The Reader's Report

As promised, the Reader from the Alberta Writers Guild has returned my manuscript, or should I say the first third. I must admit to being in a turmoiled state ever since. There were positive things, like; "I enjoyed reading this portion of your longer manuscript." and "Generally speaking, you write well. You have a sense of story, setting, character and pace." also "I hope to someday pull a book from the shelves in some bookstore or library and meet Mac and Loud Macleod in its pages."

This was nice to hear. As Mac would say, "An artist likes to know his work is appreciated." The reader also helped me to find the genre for this story. Contemporary Fantasy or Magic Realism is where "..."magic" intrudes or comes into context of a modern, known world." Although my story is fiction, it is not a made up world, built from scratch. It is our modern world where these events take place.

Of course, along with the complements came the meat of the report. I must say that many of the...problems, I was already aware of and realised changes/improvements were needed. Maybe it was reassuring to have picked these out before the professional. One of the obvious was spelling and punctuation. I was instructed not to trust spell check and I don't entirely. With more words than War and Peace, one is always going to miss something. The Reader was concerned about "rules" as well and recommended the book Prentice Hall Handbook for Writers. I looked it up on Amazon and it is a $100 book!

My main problem is the Reader's concern over perspective or point of view. While most of the writing is limited omniscient, only from the point of view of the main character, I have slipped "into the head" of my other characters from time to time and sometimes for only a line. The Reader feels I would have a "stronger story that relies on more showing and less telling". To be honest, the Reader may be right. It seems to me that it would be easier to go through the story and work out a way to show the other character's feelings than to change the view point to omniscient, and be in everyone's head all the time.

There are a few issues the Reader brought up, some actions by the characters the Reader found incredulous but my other major concern is the pace. The Reader thought scenes should be dropped to tighten up the story, keep the tension, to retain the reader's interest. Yes, there are things that maybe are vital to the telling, but...

In a book like The Hunger Games, at least the first book, it takes place in the time frame of a week or two. Many other stories have a set time limit. On the other hand, LOTR and the new version by George R.R. Martin, spreads months perhaps a year into seven volumes. I guess Heathen Hearts originally was a history. Mac Macleod is missing three years of his life. Anja, Gette, and their children are trying to fill in the missing years for Mac in about three weeks. A lot can happen in that time and while not all of it may seem pertinent to the main story, it shows that up to a point, Mac and others thought they were just ordinary people, with ordinary talents, trying to make a living in the music world. That is why, as the Reader puts it, "...you back off and seem to underplay the supernatural,...Your hints are too subtle to be convincing." My story and Emma Bull's War for the Oaks are two different stories despite any surface similarities. I'm sure she has her reasons for her pace as well.

I'll wrap this up by saying that I have a lot to think about. I appreciate the Reader's input and I am already taking it into consideration which was the whole point of the exercise. the Reader warned I would get emotional and that I should step back and think about the advice and the story before getting back at revisions etc. That is what I am doing now. Even writing this blog has made me think about what I could do to improve the product. I have had so other thoughts about the story and where it came from but I'll leave that for another day.

The Journey is the Thing

I have been quiet for the past while so I will fill you in on what is happening with “Heathen Hearts”. After dividing the story in to three very unequal parts I have sent the first part “The King’s Grave” to a reader with the Writer’s Guild of Alberta for,...evaluation I guess. I have continued to “tweak” the later two sections while putting them together in their,...closer to finished form. The results of the professional reading will take at least eight weeks so maybe by November I’ll get the results back. After that I will take some time to implement any changes they recommend that will improve the story in the telling.

I have almost convinced myself to go with e-publishing as it seems I would have more control over the process. It is true that once the words hit the web they seem to be fair game but I’m hoping theft won’t be a problem. Some e-books actually get printed if they do well though I’m not sure what happens to author rights in that case. I thought of getting some elaborate artwork done for the cover but even the family connection might cost than I’d like. I might do a bit of experimenting with images on my own and see if I can make a less flashy substitute. 

All in all I foresee the new year before this story gets into the hands of the public,...sigh!!

Some other random thoughts: I would like to have a music disc to go with this book. That said I would need the services of a musician as I am not one. My first thought was the drummer for RUSH, Neil Peart. I wonder if he’s looking for a project. Colin James is another singer/songwriter who might have the versatility to do a reasonable job for basically a “Celtic Rock” Band. I would be interested mostly in the publicity while Royalties could be worked out.

I think I have mentioned this before but I was thinking that “Loud-Macleod” should have a sound something like "Eluveitie" only without the growled vocals. “Chameleon” should sound more like “Fleetwood Mac” with a twist of “The Eagles”. The final band, “Heathen Hearts” in their last concert tour, I hear “Night Wish” from the album, “Dark Passion Play”. If I could find a musician to collaborate, the words that are already in the book are not cast in stone. I have no problems with new and better versions of those nonexistent tunes!

I guess the thing is that anything could happen it just may not happen all at once. The whole experience is on a learning curve. Hopefully the next story and the next won't take so long.

Making Some Headway

For the past little while I have been,..well for one,...reading my story from front to back. This was the first time I had ever done so. I was encouraged to pretend that this story was just one I pulled off the book shelf. I was only allowed to make obvious spelling and grammatical corrections. I must confess that I couldn't help but play with the story and juggle things around from time to time. I'm sure it has been improved by my effort.
One of the major errors I was forced to deal with late, had to do with the Swedish habit of identifying grand-parents specifically maternal or paternal. Thanks Google Translate for that mistake. Oh I see they have better options now!

I would like to send the manuscipt to a professional reader selected by the Alberta Writers Guild, which I am a member of but it is still not cheap. I have therefore decided to break the story down into three parts. The first six chapters are entitled: "Heathen Hearts Part One: The King's Grave". While only 284 pages,...there is 88,528 words according to the computer word count. I have also decided to put this fiction into the "Fantasy" genre mainly because I really don't know where it belongs exactly.

I know that every time I read a section I find things wrong,...mostly typo errors thankfully. Did I mention that I am having to reread almost the whole story to change Anja's Grandma from The Mormor to The Farmor as she is Anja's FaderModer not ModerModer,...if you follow. At some point I will have to stop worrying the story to death I know and send this first part to,...somebody to proof read etc. In the meantime, I will continue to prepare the next third for a similar journey.

THE END,...or just another begining

"It's not finished,....(but) It's finshed!"

I finished the story last night and by finished I mean I have typed out, printed and saved to the end of Chapter sixteen. I typed out the words,...THE END  and kind of just sat there. I want to do an epiloge but I haven't decided the style or how brief to make it. There is a lot of work to do before the whole thing is ready to be presented to a publisher but that's just part of the process.
My first task may be to just sit down and read the story,...from start to the end,...just to see what it reads like! It's been years since I've seen Chapter One!
Thanks to my family for putting up with me hogging the kitchen table all this time,...

Oh, a strange thing happened. Just after I transfered the last of it over to the main computor to print and save. My laptop wouldn't shut down! It just sat there with the screen off,...running. A couple of hours later it was still running and now very warm. I tried various buttons,...blind as it wouldn't turn back on,...and it shut down finally! I'll try it today and see if it is toast or was just being crankie after these three years.

Character Models - The Good, The Bad,...

Many writers use models or images to be able to easily remember or recognise their story characters as they work. I've known some people who will go through magazines and catalogues and snip out someone who reminds them of a particular character. They might cut out some cardboard and glue the picture on and put the character's name across it or a the bottom. Some writers who can draw, may sketch what they think their character looks like themselves or do a story board. In the end it is the reader who will use their own imagination and the writer's descriptions to create the image in their mind's eye.


I thought I'd throw in  some of the miscellaneous character models I used for this story. I don't have pictures for everybody and if I do I won't bore the reader anymore than I already have. So here is a photo of the models used for Mac and his friends.


The Good

From left to right are Alex Wainright, Mac Macleod, and Lorne Sawczyn keeping Law and Order out on the Range! Taken at the Jay Seven Bar Ranch in between gigs with the group 'Chameleon'. This band also included Anja, Gette, and Deedee. The emphasis musically was six part harmonies. Alex played keyboard and guitars, Lorne played an array of traditional instruments such as Banjo, Mandolin, Dobro, etc. Mac played his usual loud, rhythm and sang many of the lead vocals.


The Bad


Every story has to have a bad guy, an arch villain and this story is no different. From the very start I had a picture of what the magazine mogul Malcolm Forsythe  should look like. Perhaps my character is a little heftier,...he has large hands,...as soon as I saw Ray Liota I knew I had my model.

I mean just look at that face. Doesn't he have "Sinister Business Tycoon" with hidden 'secrets' written all over him? That is why he is the model for my Malcolm Forsythe.

Here is a clue,...

Character Models - Mac Macleod

Many writers use models or images to be able to easily remember or recognise their story characters as they work. I've known some people who will go through magazines and catalogues and snip out someone who reminds them of a particular character. They might cut out some cardboard and glue the picture on and put the character's name across it or a the bottom. Some writers who can draw, may sketch what they think their character looks like themselves or do a story board. In the end it is the reader who will use their own imagination and the writer's descriptions to create the image in their mind's eye.



When I first pictured Torkel James "Mac" Macleod he was 6' tall, broad shouldered, bugling biceps, with a flame or brick coloured "Freak Flag" falling in thick ripples half way down his back. He reminded me of the cover for the paperback  "Lion of Ireland" by Morgan Llywelyn about Brian Boru. Now you try and find someone who looks like that in real life!

In the end I had to settle for this guy as a model. He doesn't have a flame red mane or bulging muscles,...he might even be a bit shy of six feet but if you squint your eyes,....he will do in a pinch!

Mac is the driving force behind 'Loud-Macleod' and 'Heathen Hearts' the bands in the story and is the song writer and lead singer on most of the music. He plays rhythm guitar, tin whistle and percussion on some songs.

 I have to apologise to my wife for using this next photo as she has claimed it as her exclusive property! This is Mac at the Jay Seven Bar Ranch in 1976.

 I also must apologise to the Grey's Scouts Mounted Infantry Regiment for using or maybe I should say miss-using this next photo. This is Mac while serving in the Rhodesian Military in the late Seventies.

 I thought I would throw in this photo of Mac and his wife "Elf" taken in Kaslo B.C. on the occasion of their twenty fifth anniversary!

These are models for the "main" characters in the story of "Heathen Hearts". They might not meet up with the expectations of the reader when the story is finally published but these are the faces I worked with while trying to bring these characters to life.

Character Models - Deedee Hanlon

Many writers use models or images to be able to easily remember or recognise their story characters as they work. I've known some people who will go through magazines and catalogues and snip out someone who reminds them of a particular character. They might cut out some cardboard and glue the picture on and put the character's name across it or a the bottom. Some writers who can draw, may sketch what they think their character looks like themselves or do a story board. In the end it is the reader who will use their own imagination and the writer's descriptions to create the image in their mind's eye.


In some ways Deirdre Hanlon was one of the hardest to find a model for. I had an image in my head that worked pretty well but I thought I should find something as I had the others. Try as I might I could not find an Irish face that looked like Deedee. For a while I was tempted to use Avril Lavigne but I wasn't quite satisfied.
Deedee is quite short, only 5'2" in stocking feet. She has a turned up nose with a band of freckles and green eyes. Her hair is usually a sandy reddish blond but she often dyes it and cuts it to spice things up. Though the drummer for the bands in the story, being raised in Belfast, Ireland she also plays the Uilleann pipes, the Scottish War pipes, Tin whistle, Recorder, besides the Bodhran drum and singing lead vocals on many tracks.

At long last I just happened to think of an old friend of my daughter's and also happened to find some photos of her on a social networking site. I've decided not to mention her name but as soon as I saw the photos,...she became my model for Deedee Hanlon. I hope she won't mind.  :)